How do you know you're in love?

My wide and I are celebrating 10 years together this year. (We've been married 9 of them.) I proposed on our 6-month anniversary, which didn't seem too sudden at the time, but now (now?) it's brought up questions by friends. The main question centers around: "How did you know you were in love?", followed closely by "How did you know you wanted to marry her?"

The simple answer: I didn't. Sometimes you just go on a gut hunch, and you communicate everything with your partner. (I'm trying to keep this gender neutral because--this is also a hunch--all couples have the same basic communication issues regardless of sexual orientation of the couple.)

We were "introduced" via match.com way back in the days when internet dating was unheard of and made fun of. (Sherry likes to point out that she found me online, and I should be grateful she did. Yes, I'm grateful.) Sherry and I talked almost every day in the weeks before we met, often until 1 or 2am. We'd talk about bad relationships, good relationships, family, hopes & dreams, goals--both personal and professional, and anything else that came up. We knew volumes about each other before we met.

We met in a Starbucks on a sunny June day in 2003. We chatted first inside, then by Lake Mendota. It didn't seem odd that we had more to say, even though we had been talking for weeks before. We kissed goodnight around 9 that night...no more than a kiss.

She's still my muse for many love songs. I think of her when I hear love songs from everyone from Barry Manilow to Billy Joel, from Tim McGraw to Journey. She's made me a better person--I'm both in better shape than when we met and I weigh less.

Back to the beginning of today's blog. How do you know you're in love? You value their opinion. You share your thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged. You don't feel the need to put up a false appearance in front of the person. You don't need to flirt in front of them. You look into their eyes and feel the love--even from across the room. Even a quick kiss is terrific and lifts your spirits. You don't read something into them not spending every minute with you because you each live your lives, but know that you'll be together soon. Just maybe not soon enough.

How do you know you're ready for marriage? Common hopes and dreams are good, but worthless without ongoing communication of those goals to the other.

Finally, there are no guarantees of a happy marriage " 'til death do you part". Marriage is a lifelong job, and there are many days when it's hard work. There are days when I frustrate Sherry and she's not as happy with me as she is on other days. However, the love she has for me pulls her through the tough times and we live to love another day....together.